Winning and Losing

Football season is almost over around here and next Saturday is my nephew's last game for this year. His mother, my sister, resisted football for several years. Too violent, she said. I don't want him to get hurt, she said. That's really funny because we grew up with four brothers, all of whom played football and were never hurt.

Our father was modestly proud of his high school's record for the three years that he played. Undefeated. Untied. Unscored upon. All the more impressive because it was a really small school. They didn't have some deep bench to draw from. The whole team was on the field for the whole game. Because football was so defining in my father's life, all of our brothers were required to play football. They played, played well, and survived. My brothers all grew into good, responsible men but I think they would be that way even without football.

So, back to my nephew. The boy who might get hurt is in his fourth year of organized football. Now, my pacifist sister who abhors violence is standing in the bleachers yelling "block 'em, baby, block 'em". Even I know enough that good blocking usually results in someone falling on the ground.

My sister says her son has learned a lot from football. Last year, when he was the youngest starter on the team, part of every play and the team won every game, it was easy to see what those lessons were.

• Listen to your coach.
• Go to practice.
• Work hard.
• Play your position.
• Follow the rules.
• Keep score.

Last year, that point of view got them to their league's championship. This year, my nephew is still following those rules but now the outcome is different; this year the team has won only two games. Well, I asked my sister, is he still learning anything this year?

What he's learning, she replied carefully, is to be more of a leader. He still doesn't realize how much one person can influence the rest of the team.

I pondered that. After all, in team sports one person doesn't win the game alone. In order to make a touchdown, the ball has to be snapped, passed, carried or punted. And 10 touchdowns are worthless if the other team isn't getting sacked, blocked or pushed back.

Sports are often used as a metaphor for life. But in life, things seldom end with a clear winner.

On the up side, we don't have to run laps.

It's the Principle

Earlier this summer the daddy blogs were all in a twist after a certain article appeared in the NY Times. The article, written by Amy Sutherland, described her success in applying the principles of animal training to reshaping her husband's behavior.

Sounds kinky, huh?

Any psych majors reading this are now nodding sagely and saying oh yeah, operant conditioning.

Having found the nagging routine enormously unsuccessful, Sutherland was inspired by the positive reinforcement techniques used by exotic (zoo) animal trainers. Under that protocol the trainer marks desired behavior with a reward system. Although usually food, it can be anything that is motivating to the trainee. For example, law enforcement and Search and Rescue dogs are typically rewarded with a few minutes of play with a favorite toy.

Once the behavior becomes consistent, the trainer can shape it by raising the ante. If Splash The Dolphin is reliably jumping three feet out of the water for a fish reward, the trainer begins withholding the fish unless Splash clears the water by five feet.

What about wrong behavior? If Splash ignores the Jump cue and decides to play with the hoops instead, well then, Game Over. No attention and certainly no fish.

Animals get this realllly fast. In fact the thing that most often screws up the animal's performance is bad timing or inconsistency by the trainer.

Well, so much for yt's ad hoc training seminar and back to Ms. Sutherland.

Whenever her husdand did anything close to the goal behavior, putting even one shirt in the laundry basket, she praised him. Thanks, Honey. I love you. Once putting the shirt in the laundry basket becomes rewarding the behavior is more apt to be repeated. And (for those who might be worried about the need to sustain such vigilance) once the behavior becomes consistent you don't have to reward it every single time. It's actually stronger if the reward is unpredictable.

When her husband displayed negative behavior, Sutherland ignored it. Husbands, like dogs and dolphins and all those other social creatures, crave attention more than anything. Unfortunately, since even negative attention can be very rewarding in a perverse way, the best method to extinguish unwanted behavior is...no reponse. A very alien concept for all of us "just do something" mainstreamers.

I am a HUGE proponent of positive reinforcement. I am a volunteer teacher for a 4H class. My class is all the beginners, even though they may range in age from 8 to 16. A few years ago, after my very first night, when I found myself reciting an endless litany no Justin, do it this way and use your other right hand, Tiffany I was exhausted and dejected. One week into a three-month term and I already felt like a failure.

The next week I went back with a new plan. I set a goal for myself to compliment each kid at least once every session. As the weeks went by, I found that I was concentrating so hard on looking for things to compliment that I no longer cringed at every mistake. Every time I saw a kid doing something right, it reinforced for me that I was making a difference. The kids were actually learning!

Each week I went home feeling energized and upbeat. I also found it carrying over into other activities. Now that I was training myself to be observant in a positive way I started noticing good behavior all around me. A kindness toward another commuter. A pleasant salesperson. A courteous driver.

I think the menfolks who were so offended by the implied manipulation in Sutherland's article probably over-reacted. The principles of positive reinforcement seem to have a greater impact on the trainer, reshaping the trainer's perception of, and reaction to, what's going on.
y'think?