The Reckoning

Once upon a time a friend declared it a "Year of Reckoning". Up until then her life had followed that same aimless road many of us travel: good times, bad jobs, good friends, bad choices. Finally, the day came when she decided hey! I'm in charge here. Her first order of business was to reckon with all those adult responsibilities that had somehow slipped away.

This was more than the perennial, sure-to-fail resolution. This was an entire year of retaliation on the forces of failure. Most of her reckoning focused on financial and personal care goals: paying off credit cards, getting a new computer, having her first mammogram, resolving an old relationship. She set her goals then proceeded to stride through the calender, ticking things off her list with the satisfaction of the just. And I, the master of task avoidance, stood back in awe.

She accomplished all her goals then moved out of state (also on her list) while my life continued to spin around in circles. Periodically I would remind myself, I need a Year of Reckoning. But I remained mired in the swamp of just-barely-keeping-up. It wasn't until I was pushed to the brink on every front, when I had nowhere to stand but turn and face the enemy, that I tentatively brandished my sword of accomplishment. I dealt with some health things, I took charge of some financial things. I ended a relationship, rebuilt another.

I thought about who I want to be,
where I want to go,
what I need to conquer to get there.

I learned to say no.

While I lack the attention span to march purposefully through an entire year, each time I tackle one of those overdue duties I give myself credit for the Reckoning.

It makes me feel strong. In control.

I've learned that Reckoning is never over. New things crop up. But each success generates a little more ammunition for next time. Most of the time now I think of myself as someone who can Reckon with life.